Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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