Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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