I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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