WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
