The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
