It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
