I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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