Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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