i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
