a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
