His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
