I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
