So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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