The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I deserve this hangover.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
