You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
