I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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