Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I CAN MOONWALK!
that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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