In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
