i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
