I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
