Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
