I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
