The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
