FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
