She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm bleeding and have questions
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize