in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
