my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize