How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
