IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
