hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
two words...techno handjob
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
