...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
