it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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