i think my tv is drunk
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You did what with his pubic hair?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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