I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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