he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
