I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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