we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
