Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
