He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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