Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
