Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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