and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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