my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
