Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
wow bdsm is so cute
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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