Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
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He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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