I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
