I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
