I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
