Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
