i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
