remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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