What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
