I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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