you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
