I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
