New invention idea: vibrating tampons
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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