How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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