He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
