Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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