every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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