Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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