let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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