Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
