did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
